But what finally left my mouth was something else entirely.
"Brian, do you even remember why we don't have a child?"
We did have one, once.
A beautiful little girl.
The year she was born, Brian's constant cheating led to fight after fight between us. The stress dried up my milk.
And all because I'd slapped Joan across the face, just once.
As punishment, Brian handed control of every cent in the household over to his mistress.
I will never forget that day as long as I live.
My baby screaming, wailing from hunger.
Me, sobbing, begging Brian. "I was wrong. Please, just let the nanny go buy some formula. Please?"
"She can't go hungry any longer!"
But Brian only frowned, his voice cold and measured. "Eleanor, when you do something wrong, you face the consequences."
"Remember this: your daughter went hungry today because of you."
That day, Brian turned around and took Joan to Disneyland.
And I was left with nowhere to turn.
I went to a stranger. Knelt before him. Bowed my head to the floor. Even started unbuttoning my blouse.
"Please, just help me buy some formula for my daughter. I'll do anything..."