I hadn’t even looked at the child I’d just birthed. All I knew was that he weighed four pounds and five ounces, with pale, delicate skin — and looked like me.
A nurse approached. I was told to go and see him, to see the baby I had fought so hard to give birth to.
I shook my head. "No. As long as he’s healthy, that’s all that matters."
If I didn’t see him, there would be no thoughts.
Because if I did, I’d never be able to let him go.
But there was no way I could continue to stay in the Carter Family.
It was better than leaving with me and living a life of uncertainty.
It would be best for him to stay in the Carter Family.
I lay on the hospital bed and looked out the window.
Thinking about leaving here and where I can go.
I was abandoned from birth and grew up in an orphanage.
No relatives whose blood is thicker than water, no friends who can depend on each other.
I was like a tiny sailboat adrift on the vast ocean, without a port to call home.
My mother-in-law felt sorry for me and was even more angry at Sean's inaction. She took out her cell phone and called him frequently, trying to get him to come and see us.