1. Turn toward bids for connection – When your partner says “Look at that bird,” they’re not asking for ornithology lessons. They’re asking for your attention.

  2. Schedule check-ins – Once a week, ask: “How are we doing? What felt good this week? What felt hard?”

  3. Be curious, not defensive – When they share a complaint, ask “Tell me more about that” instead of explaining why they’re wrong.

  4. Practice appreciation – Name one thing you appreciated about them every day. “Thank you for making coffee” matters.

  5. Date each other – It doesn’t have to be elaborate. A walk, a coffee, 20 minutes without phones.

  • For All Relationships:

  1. Show up consistently – Intimacy is built in small, repeated acts of presence.

  2. Listen to understand, not to respond – Most of us listen just enough to formulate our next point. Try listening just to understand.

  3. Share something real – Instead of “I’m fine,” say “I’m tired. It was a long day.”

  4. Hold space for hard things – When someone shares pain, don’t rush to fix it. Say “That sounds really hard. I’m here.”