It should not have hurt anymore, but it did.
Still, that was the night something changed for good. The hope that they might eventually become different did not vanish all at once. It simply dimmed. And when it dimmed, disappointment lost some of its power.
Second semester was harder. My classes intensified. My jobs felt heavier. Some mornings I woke up so tired I could not immediately remember what day it was.
One morning, halfway through a café shift, the room tilted. I grabbed the counter as my vision blurred.
My manager rushed over. “Avery, sit down.”
“I’m okay,” I said automatically.
“You almost collapsed.”
She guided me into a chair and handed me water. “You need rest.”
I nodded even though we both knew I would be back at five the next morning. Rest was a luxury, and luxury had never really belonged to me.
Every night before I fell asleep, I repeated the same sentence to myself.
This is temporary.
Temporary exhaustion. Temporary loneliness. Temporary hunger. Temporary instability.
What was not temporary was what I was building.